Edward Garren, M.A., L.M.F.T. CA License.#MFC27181
I have spent most of my life helping other people. Decades ago, I was an appliance repairman for the gas company in Tampa Florida. Over and over again, I would encounter customers who would tell me their stories, deep personal secrets, often commenting on how comfortable they were telling me things. After a while, I accepted the pattern and realized that I was called to do more than fix appliances.
But that skill, as well as a hands on understanding of how mechanical things work (cars, appliances, heating and air-conditioning, etc.) has given me an interesting perspective on human growth, recovery from trauma, and other aspects of the multi-faceted art that we call Psychotherapy.
Our craft and profession has evolved significantly during my lifetime. With the advent of Magnetic Resonance Imaging, and other neuro-science, we can now actually look at brain activity, and most of the time science confirms that living with functioning integration of one’s emotions and intellect is essential to an enjoyable and fulfilling life. It confirms many other things as well, that joy is essential to life, and resentments poison us from the inside.
What I write in this blog is generally very subjective. I do not claim to speak for all therapists, even those who share my licensure. My professional path has been somewhat un-orthodox, starting with my career at the gas company. My Master’s degree is in Rehabilitation Counseling, not the usual Psychology or Social Work disciplines. Our program (at the time I was in it) was led by a core group of Psychologists who were steeped in what was then known as the “Humanistic Psychology” movement. They all made pilgrimages to Esalen Institute in Big Sur California , survived mid-life crises, and came to realize that much of their professional training was not very effective for actually helping people work through stored (“stuffed”) trauma and loss..
The core of Rehabilitation is that for adults, being dependent is the most humiliating and debilitating experience in the human condition. The goal of Rehabilitation is to facilitate the clients becoming as independent as possible.
Rehabilitation also believes that the goal of therapy is to work WITH the client on their path to self discovery and self actualization. That cannot happen in relationships based in an imbalance of power. The goal of the therapist is to become obsolete in the client’s life. We had a lot of hands on Gestalt therapy training. Gestalt is probably the most direct form of therapeutic intervention. It is very honest, and holds that many of the social conventions are basically dishonest. Gestalt therapy tries to offer honesty in as non-judgemental of a way as possible. So the most effective therapy occurs when a client has committed to a life of personal growth, rather than comfort or ease.
I also have additional course work in Family Systems, with amazing professors at California State University Northridge, Human Development and Abnormal Psychology from Cal State Los Angeles.
From this training, I particularly came to understand that the dynamics of a “Family System” are incredibly predictable. Gradually an understanding of how families ideally operate, and how they can become malfunctional, began to emerge from my schooling and work.
The purpose of this blog is to share some of that predictability and understanding of how our families form us in unconscious ways that most of us are unaware of. It is my hope that these insights might resonate with your own life in a way that facilitates your own growth, your own journey in this life.
The first significant contribution that Family Systems Theory and practice offers to a client’s growth is the release from the often pervasive shame that people come into treatment with. The belief that they are somehow flawed inherently and cannot change.
I offer that their maladies are not personal to them individually, but rather a “role” that their family, and themselves, cast themselves into at a very early age. In the process of adapting to those family roles, often they shut down emotionally in order to survive. So we “form” in a particular emotional “set” or “frame”
I also consider the Gestalt of their life. “Gestalt” means “Shape.” So the shape of one’s response to daily life and relationships gets “set,” often in a very dysfunctional way.
Basically, human beings utilize emotions and intellect to function in life. Our emotions come first, and are very predictable. While some babies are calmer than others, they all respond the same way with regard to getting their needs met.
Once intellect kicks in, around age 4>5, we start forming belief systems, initially from our parents or caregivers, and later, we grow our own. But our core beliefs about how to process our emotions, to display or not display, which emotions are acceptable and which are not, those come from our culture, religion and family.
Also, trauma and other significant emotional events, can remain in a family or national culture for three generations. The unspoken rules about what is safe to talk about, what is not, attitudes and opinions are all formed from our grandparents and parents lives, including whatever trauma they survived.
So a person isn’t just doing “therapy” on their own life, but also doing therapy on their parents and grandparents unresolved issues. Coming to know one’s parents lives, and grandparents lives is very helpful in finding peace in the midst of our own daily life.
The bottom line, and overarching truth about healing is that it involves other people, forming trusting and respectful relationships, setting reasonable boundaries, being courageous and honest with one’s self and others, even when it is not comfortable.
To echo Dr. Brene’ Brown, healing is found in The Power of Vulnerability.
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