Saturday, February 7, 2015

A Child's First Year~National Geographic Article

An amazing article in the National Geographic this month about the importance of lots of stimulation in early childhood, and the science that has confirmed it.

Direct link to article:   http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2015/01/baby-brains/bhattacharjee-text

Baby Brains




The First Year

A baby’s brain needs love to develop. What happens in the first year is profound.

By Yudhijit Bhattacharjee
Photographs by Lynn Johnson
In the late 1980s, when the crack cocaine epidemic was ravaging America’s cities, Hallam Hurt, a neonatologist in Philadelphia, worried about the damage being done to children born to addicted mothers. She and her colleagues, studying children from low-income families, compared four-year-olds who’d been exposed to the drug with those who hadn’t. They couldn’t find any significant differences. Instead, what they discovered was that in both groups the children’s IQs were much lower than average. “These little children were coming in cute as buttons, and yet their IQs were like 82 and 83,” Hurt says. “Average IQ is 100. It was shocking.”
The revelation prompted the researchers to turn their focus from what differentiated the two groups toward what they had in common: being raised in poverty. To understand the children’s environment, the researchers visited their homes with a checklist. They asked if the parents had at least ten books at home for the children, a record player with songs for them, and toys to help them learn numbers. They noted whether the parents spoke to the children in an affectionate voice, spent time answering their questions, and hugged, kissed, and praised them.
The researchers found that children who received more attention and nurturing at home tended to have higher IQs. Children who were more cognitively stimulated performed better on language tasks, and those nurtured more warmly did better on memory tasks.
Many years later, when the kids had entered their teens, the researchers took MRI images of their brains and then matched them up with the records of how warmly nurtured the children had been at both four and eight years old. They found a strong link between nurturing at age four and the size of the hippocampus—a part of the brain associated with memory—but found no correlation between nurturing at age eight and the hippocampus. The results demonstrated just how critically important an emotionally supportive environment is at a very young age.

CRITICAL YEARS
The amount of brain activity in the earliest years affects how much there is later in life. These EEG scans of eight-year-olds show that institutionalized children who were not moved to a nurturing foster care environment before they were two years old have less activity than those who were.



The Philadelphia study, published in 2010, was one of the first to demonstrate that childhood experience shapes the structure of the developing brain. Since then, other studies have shown a link between a baby’s socioeconomic status and the growth of its brain. Despite coming prewired with mind-boggling capacities, the brain depends heavily on environmental input to wire itself further. Scientists are now discovering precisely how that development is molded by the interplay between nature and nurture.
Peering inside children’s brains with new imaging tools, scientists are untangling the mystery of how a child goes from being barely able to see when just born to being able to talk, ride a tricycle, draw, and invent an imaginary friend by the age of five. The more scientists find out about how children acquire the capacity for language, numbers, and emotional understanding during this period, the more they realize that the baby brain is an incredible learning machine. Its future—to a great extent—is in our hands.
If the metamorphosis of a cluster of cells into a suckling baby is one of life’s great miracles, so is the transformation of that wobbly infant into a walking, talking toddler capable of negotiating bedtime. While researching this story, I have watched that miracle unfold before my eyes as my daughter has gone from a fidgety bundle with only a piercing cry signaling hunger to a feisty three-year-old who insists on putting on her sunglasses before stepping out of the house. The blossoming of her mental and emotional abilities has been a string of marvels, deepening my amazement at how deftly a baby’s brain comes to grasp the world.
The milestones she has passed would be recognizable to any parent. At two she knew enough to realize that she didn’t have to hold my hand when walking on the sidewalk; she would reach for my hand only when we were about to cross the street. Around the same age, she also learned to block the drain in the bathtub with the ball of her foot—turning what was to be a quick shower into a playful bath. Before she turned three, she was holding lengthy conversations and coming up with rhymes: “If the candy tastes bad, Willy Wonka will be sad.”
Despite millennia of child rearing, we have only a limited understanding of how babies take such gigantic strides in cognitive, linguistic, reasoning, and planning ability. The lightning pace of development in these early years coincides with the formation of a vast skein of neural circuits. At birth the brain has nearly a hundred billion neurons, as many as in adulthood. As the baby grows, receiving a flood of sensory input, neurons get wired to other neurons, resulting in some hundred trillion connections by age three.
Different stimuli and tasks, such as hearing a lullaby or reaching for a toy, help establish different neural networks. Circuits get strengthened through repeated activation. The sheath encasing nerve fibers—made of an insulating material called myelin—thickens along oft-used pathways, helping electrical impulses travel more quickly. Idle circuits die through the severing of connections, known as synaptic pruning. Between the ages of one and five, and then again in early adolescence, the brain goes through cycles of growth and streamlining, with experience playing a key role in engraving the circuits that will endure.
How nature and nurture combine to shape the brain is nowhere more evident than in the development of language ability. How much of that comes hardwired, and how do babies acquire the rest? To learn how researchers are answering that question, I visit Judit Gervain, a cognitive neuroscientist at Paris Descartes University who has spent the past decade probing the linguistic acumen of children, ranging in age from days to a few years. We meet on the steps of Robert-Debré Hospital in Paris, where Gervain is readying an experiment on newborns.
I follow her into a room down the hall from the maternity ward. The morning’s first subject is wheeled in on a cart, swaddled in a pink polka-dot blanket, with dad in tow. A research assistant slips a skullcap studded with buttonlike sensors onto the infant’s head. The plan is to image the baby’s brain while playing a variety of audio sequences, like nu-ja-ga. But before any observations can begin, the baby emits a series of high-pitched cries, making it known he isn’t going to submit. The assistant hurriedly removes the cap, and the dad cradles the baby.
After they leave, Gervain, who had just become a mother a few months earlier, tells me that such failures are not uncommon. Another newborn—also accompanied by dad—is wheeled in. Gervain’s assistant follows the same protocol, and this time the observing goes off without a hitch. The baby sleeps through it.
Gervain and her colleagues have used a similar setup to test how good newborns are at discriminating between different sound patterns. Using near-infrared spectroscopy, the researchers imaged the brains of babies while they heard audio sequences. In some, the sounds were repeated in an ABB structure, such as mu-ba-ba; in others, an ABC structure, such as mu-ba-ge. The researchers found that brain regions responsible for speech and audio processing responded more strongly to the ABB sequences. In a later study they found that the newborn brain was also able to distinguish between audio sequences with an AAB pattern and those with an ABB pattern. Not only could babies discern repetition, they also were sensitive to where it occurred in the sequence.
Gervain is excited by these findings because the order of sounds is the bedrock upon which words and grammar are built. “Positional information is key to language,” she says. “If something is at the beginning or at the end makes a big difference: ‘John killed the bear’ is very different from ‘The bear killed John.’ ”
That the baby brain responds from day one to the sequence in which sounds are arranged suggests that the algorithms for language learning are part of the neural fabric infants are born with. “For a long time we had this linear view. First, babies are learning sounds, then they are understanding words, then many words together,” Gervain says. “But from recent results, we know that almost everything starts to develop from the get-go. Babies are starting to learn grammatical rules from the beginning.”
Researchers led by Angela Friederici, a neuropsychologist at the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences in Leipzig, Germany, have found evidence of such comprehension in an experiment with four-month-old German babies exposed to an unfamiliar language. The children first heard a series of Italian sentences representing two types of construction: “The brother can sing” and “The sister is singing.” After three minutes they listened to another set of Italian sentences, some of which were grammatically incorrect, along the lines of “The brother is sing” and “The sister can singing.” During this phase the researchers measured the infants’ brain activity using tiny electrodes placed on the scalp. In the first round of testing the babies showed a similar brain response to both correct and incorrect sentences. A few rounds of training later, the infants exhibited very different activation patterns when they heard erroneous constructions.
In just 15 minutes the babies appeared to have absorbed what was correct. “Somehow they must have learned it, despite not comprehending the meaning of the sentences,” Friederici tells me. “At this point it’s not syntax. It’s phonologically encoded regularity.”
Researchers have shown that children around two and a half years old are savvy enough to correct grammatical mistakes made by puppets. By the age of three most children seem to master a considerable number of grammatical rules. Their vocabulary burgeons. This flowering of language ability comes about as new connections are made among neurons, so that speech can be processed on multiple levels: sound, meaning, and syntax. Scientists have yet to unveil the precise map followed by the infant brain on the path to linguistic fluency. But what’s clear, in the words of Friederici, is this: “The equipment alone is not enough. You also need input.”
On my way to Leipzig to interview Friederici, my attention is drawn to a mother and her young son, engaging in conversation on a shuttle bus at the Munich airport. “What do you see in the distance?” the mother asks as the bus takes us from the terminal to the aircraft. “I see a lot of planes!” the kid exults, bouncing. Seated in a row ahead of me on the flight, the two keep up an unflaggingly spirited exchange. The woman stops to answer the boy’s every question as she reads him one picture book after another, drawing on what seems like a limitless reservoir of enthusiasm. When we land, I learn that the mom, Merle Fairhurst, is a cognitive neuroscientist who studies child development and social cognition. It isn’t surprising that she is determined to apply the emerging research on how stimulation can help the developing brain.
More than two decades ago Todd Risley and Betty Hart, both child psychologists then at the University of Kansas in Lawrence, recorded hundreds of hours of interactions between children and adults in 42 families from across the socioeconomic spectrum, following the kids from the age of nine months to three years.
Studying the transcripts of these recordings, Risley and Hart made a surprising discovery. Children in well-off families—where the parents were typically college-educated professionals—heard an average of 2,153 words an hour spoken to them, whereas children in families on welfare heard an average of 616 words. By the age of four this difference translated to a cumulative gap of some 30 million words. Parents in poorer homes tended to make shorter, more perfunctory comments, like “Stop that,” and “Get down,” whereas parents in wealthier homes had extended conversations with their kids about a variety of topics, encouraging them to use their memory and imagination. The kids in low socioeconomic families were being raised on a poor linguistic diet.
The amount of talking parents did with their children made a big difference, the researchers found. The kids who were spoken to more got higher scores on IQ tests at age three. They also performed better in school at ages nine and ten.
Exposing children to more words would seem simple enough. But language delivered by television, audio book, Internet, or smartphone—no matter how educational—doesn’t appear to do the job. That’s what researchers led by Patricia Kuhl, a neuroscientist at the University of Washington in Seattle, learned from a study of nine-month-old children.
Kuhl and her colleagues were exploring a key puzzle of language acquisition: how babies home in on the phonetic sounds of their native language by the age of one. In the first few months of their lives, babies show a knack for discriminating between sounds in any language, native or foreign. Between six and 12 months of age, however, they start losing the ability to make such distinctions in a foreign language, while getting better at discriminating between native language sounds. Japanese children, for example, are no longer able to distinguish between “l” and “r” sounds.
In their study the researchers exposed nine-month-olds from English-speaking families to Mandarin. Some of the children interacted with native Chinese-speaking tutors, who played with them and read to them. “The babies were entranced by these tutors,” Kuhl says. “In the waiting room they would watch the door for their tutors to come in.” Another group of children saw and heard the same Mandarin-speaking tutors through a video presentation. And a third group heard only the audio track. After all the children had been through 12 sessions, they were tested on their ability to discriminate between similar phonetic sounds in Mandarin.
The researchers expected the children who’d watched the videos to show the same kind of learning as the kids tutored face-to-face. Instead they found a huge difference. The children exposed to the language through human interactions were able to discriminate between similar Mandarin sounds as well as native listeners. But the other infants—regardless of whether they had watched the video or listened to the audio—showed no learning whatsoever.
“We were blown away,” Kuhl says. “It changed our fundamental thinking about the brain.” The result of this and other studies led Kuhl to propose what she calls the social gating hypothesis: the idea that social experience is a portal to linguistic, cognitive, and emotional development.
After gaining power in Romania in the mid-1960s, the communist leader Nicolae Ceausescu implemented drastic measures to transform the country from an agricultural society into an industrial one. To increase the population, the regime limited contraception and abortion, and imposed a tax on couples older than 25 who were childless. Thousands of families moved from villages to cities to take jobs at government factories. These policies led many parents to abandon their newborn children, who were then placed in a state-run institution called a leagan—the Romanian word for “cradle.”
It was only after Ceausescu was deposed in 1989 that the outside world saw the horrific conditions in which these children were living. As babies, they were left in cribs for hours. Typically their only human contact was when a caregiver—each responsible for 15 to 20 children—came to feed or bathe them. As toddlers, they hardly received any attention. The system of institutionalized care was slow to change, and in 2001, U.S. researchers began a study of 136 children from six institutions to investigate the impact of neglect on their development.
The researchers—led by Charles Zeanah, a child psychiatrist at Tulane University; Nathan Fox, a developmental psychologist and neuroscientist at the University of Maryland; and Charles Nelson, a neuroscientist at Harvard—were struck by the children’s aberrant behaviors. Many of the kids, less than two years old when the study began, showed no attachment to their caregivers. When upset, they wouldn’t go to the caregivers. “Instead, they showed these almost feral behaviors that we had never seen before—aimlessly wandering around, hitting their heads against the floor, twirling and freezing in one place,” Fox says.
When the researchers conducted an EEG test of the children’s brains, they found that these signals were weaker than the signals recorded from similarly aged children in the general population. “It was as if a dimmer switch had been used to turn their brain activity down,” Fox says. He and his colleagues then placed half of the kids with foster families that they picked with the help of social workers. The remaining kids stayed at the institutions. The foster families received a monthly stipend, books, toys, diapers and other supplies, as well as periodic visits by the social workers.
Fox and his colleagues followed the children over the next several years and saw dramatic differences emerge between the groups. At age eight the children placed with foster families at age two or earlier showed EEG brain patterns that were indistinguishable from those of typical eight-year-olds. The kids who had remained at the institutions continued to have weaker EEGs. Although all the children in the study had smaller brain volumes than similarly aged kids in the general population, the ones who received foster care had more white matter—axons connecting neurons—than the institutionalized kids. “It suggests that there were more neuronal connections made in the children who experienced the intervention,” Fox explains.
The most striking difference between the two sets of children—evident by the age of four—was in their social abilities. “We find that many of the children who were put into our intervention, particularly the children who were taken out of institutions early, could now relate to their caregiver in the way that a typical child would,” Fox says. “There’s enough plasticity in the brain early in life that allows children to overcome negative experiences.” And that, Fox says, is the best news: Some of the debilitating effects of early deprivation can be addressed with appropriate nurturing, as long as it is provided within a critical period of development.
A parental training program led by neuroscientist Helen Neville at the University of Oregon in Eugene aims to do just that. The researchers sign up participants from among families enrolled in Head Start, a U.S. government program that gives a leg up to preschoolers from low-income families. Parents or care providers come in for a class every week over a two-month period. In the first few classes they get tips on lowering the stress involved in the day-to-day care of children. As any parent can testify, these stresses can at times be overwhelming to even the most Zen-like among us, and they can feel even more burdensome to parents dealing with financial worries. “You find yourself on edge because you don’t have certain things,” says Patricia Kycek, a Eugene mom who’s taken the classes.
Parents learn to emphasize positive reinforcement, expressing praise for specific accomplishments. “We encourage them to shift the focus from scolding your child every time they are doing something wrong to noticing every time they are doing something right,” explains Sarah Burlingame, a former parent instructor. In later weeks parents learn how to stimulate the child. In one activity that they are encouraged to try at home, the parent asks the child to pick out various objects—a spoon, a bottle, a pen—and guess which will float and which will sink. Then the child gets to test each prediction in a bucket of water or in the bathtub.
The children receive training in attention and self-control in a 40-minute session every week. They work on focusing on a task in the midst of distractions—for instance, coloring inside the lines of figures while other kids bounce balloons all around. Instructors also teach them to better identify their emotions through a game called Emotional Bingo, in which children match states like “happy” and “sad” with facial expressions. In some later classes the kids learn to practice calming techniques, like taking a deep breath when they are upset.
At the end of the eight weeks the researchers evaluate the kids on language, nonverbal IQ, and attention. Through a questionnaire given to the parents, they also assess how the kids are doing behaviorally. In a paper published in July 2013, Neville and her colleagues reported that kids in Head Start who received the intervention showed significantly higher increases on these measures than those who did not. Parents reported experiencing much lower stress in managing their children. “When you change parenting and stress level goes down, that leads to increased emotional regulation and better cognition for the kids,” Neville says.
Tana Argo, a young mother of four, decided to go through the program to make sure she wouldn’t subject her children to the kind of neglect that she had suffered as a child. “I grew up with a lot of stress and drama,” she says. “I told myself, I’m going to remember this with my kids. This won’t happen to my kids.”
What she learned—she says—has altered the family’s dynamic, creating more time for play and learning. When I visit her at home one afternoon, she describes how happy she felt a few days earlier when she saw her four-year-old daughter—the youngest—plop down on the carpet to thumb through a children’s encyclopedia. As I’m leaving, I notice the encyclopedia resting on top of a stack of books, most of them for children. In the best of circumstances, that stack would perhaps serve as a wall against the generational dominoes of poverty and neglect, helping Argo’s kids build a future that she never had a shot at.
Yudhijit Bhattacharjee is writing a nonfiction book, The Spy Who Couldn’t Spell. Lynn Johnson’s feature, “Vanishing Voices,” in the July 2012 issue, was on the world’s disappearing languages.

Friday, February 6, 2015

Emotional Memory

Our Emotional Memory is Below the Neck

If this is your first visit to my blog, you might also want to read the 

I hope you have been following those posts.  If you are new, this commentary specifically relates to the second post, “Emotions and Intellect.”  Reading that will offer a foundation for these comments.


As I have discussed before, humans function (best) when we can integrate our emotions and intellect as a team to process life and make self affirming decisions.  

Our intellect is very good at storing information, and experiences, neatly catalogued, sanitized, explained and rationalized.  But our emotions reside in our body.  We hold emotional experiences in our bodies.  This is why when we have a noteworthy emotion, our body responds.  When a person experiences elation, we feel jubilant.  Some folks will make loud noises (screams, “Oh My God”) crying, jumping up and down, etc.  Elation is a good feeling, most of us don’t “hold back” (depending on how our culture teaches us to express emotions).  

Some cultures teach that the display of ANY emotions outside of the family is vulgar.  I have many Korean friends, one of who is a (now retired) Social Worker.  Our friendship includes long and detailed conversations about culture and how different cultures socialize people to deal with emotions.  I once asked her why photos of northern Asians in public assemblies often had rows and rows of people with stone somber faces, no matter what.  She explained that in northern Asian culture, the display of any emotion in public is considered vulgar, the equivalent of walking around with one’s private parts displayed.  

So one of the things you might consider is how your ethnic heritage and family may have contributed to how you express your emotions.   In Family Systems practice, we look at how this affects family structure and processing.  A classic scenario, one parent is from northern European background, the other from southern Europe. (I.E. German married to a Greek)

Then there are all the layers of “Class” and how one defines it.  In Europe and the United States, as well as many other cultures I have encountered, social class is often defined by emotional reserve.  Upper class people tend to keep their emotions “tightly wrapped.”  Lower and middle class people who wish to climb socially quickly learn that it takes reserve and “polish” to move upward on the social ladder.  The classic example of Eliza Dolittle in “Pygmalion” (also “My Fair Lady”) is one such story. 

So most of us grow up with an expectation that our emotions are best kept “private” if we are to be “successful.”  Those who don’t buy into that expectation are often judged harshly by those who have bought into it.  I often heard the terms “refinement” and “breeding” when I was a child, the blatantly stated expectation that certain (if not most) emotions were to be “reserved” and not openly shared.

Folks who are formed in this way are often called “stiff.”  We can feel their inflexibility, and are unconsciously suspicious.  What is behind the mask, what are they hiding?”

What they are often hiding is an overwhelming sense of insecurity and fear that if they reveal too much they will fall from whatever rung on the social ladder they have climbed to.  The development of a light and pleasant social persona that glides easily through social situation, most notably cocktail parties, golf, tennis, and other social settings enjoyed by the upper classes (and at virtually all employers) is essential to attaining and retaining social status and secure employment.

A classic example of this is illustrated in the film “Good Fences.”  Danny Glover plays an aspiring black attorney, who completely “sells out” to the white establishment so that he can move his family up into the upper class.  They move from Bridgeport CN to Greenwich, as he explains, their neighbors are people who have buildings named after them.  Just when you have decided that he is a totally despicable character, he finally reveals his own deep trauma, an attempted lynching (of him) that forced him to flee for his life from Mississippi, because he beat a white kid in the state spelling bee.  He has never been able to process that terror, so now he has become his oppressors, if not surpassing them in expected behavior.   He explains in voiceover that it is sacrifice to elevate his race.   It is both compelling and humorous, and excellent film, well worth watching.  A clip from the film is here.

We may find his experience amusing, odd, even pathetic, but it is also reality for most people who" want a better life.”  We have to present ourselves in a way that pleases the people we associate with, and if we’re moving up, that means repression our emotions, creating a “mask” that suits those people, so that we will “fit in” and be successful.

So while we are “refining” ourselves, we are really stuffing emotions.  After a while, they are so buried beneath a pile of rationalizations, justifications, explanations and “yes but” s we have consciously disconnected from about 80% of our humanity, until someone comes along and reminds us of those buried fears.  Then we retaliate and get rid of them because we can’t abide any reminders of what happened, or look at who and what we have become.

The problem is that now that we have “sold our soul” we wonder why we feel so empty inside, why we are not happy, why we get depressed, sometimes get cancer, fight with the people who love us, etc, etc.

In my work with clients, I try to have them focus on their responses below the neck to whatever is going on.  This is often difficult at first.  They are much more comfortable telling the content of their week.  Often it is all they know.  They are skilled at reporting, their “chatter.”  

I work with them to listen to themselves by forcing them to use “I” when describing any situation that relates to them.  The other tool I use it not accepting pronouns (“It” mostly) when they are describing an issue in their life.  

So their conversation might start out like, “Well, you know, when your’e dealing with it and it’s frustrating, and you don’t know what to do, and it’s just one more thing that you can’t complete or win at.”

I look at them and say things like “It WHAT?” and “WHO is this happening to, you or me?”

With some cajoling and persuasion, the conversation (hopefully) becomes something more like this, “Well, you know, my car wouldn’t start, and I let my road service expire because I forgot to pay it, and I didn’t know how to get the car started, or get it towed to my mechanic, and I felt like an idiot for letting myself get into that situation.”

At that point I can ask, “So what does that feel like, hearing yourself say this?”  And usually the answer is “Mad” or “Angry” though sometimes it takes a few warm ups to finally acknowledge the angry rock inside of their gut.

We store all sorts of things in our body.  Most of us store tension somewhere.  When I was in school, I shared with an instructor, Pincus Gross, that before I had realized and accepted that I was Gay, I had constant back aches.  After I accepted my “deviant” (and shame filled) sexual self, my pains left my back and moved to my neck and shoulders.  He quipped, “So, you’re no longer a pain in the ass, but now you’re a pain in the neck?”  We laughed, and then went on explore the “stories” held in each location.  

I had “frozen” hips for years, could not move them much.  Doing so might awaken all of the desire associated with a person’s “nether parts” (genitals) which were strictly my very private secret for years.  Once I liberated my sexuality and my hips, my new fear was being hit from the back, “Cuffed” my brother would tell me years later, which was one of my father’s favorite ways of dumping his own frustrations on me.  So I walked around with my upper back and shoulders pushed forward, doing the “turtle neck” ready to pull in if attacked.  An example of this in in this photo, and since we never see ourselves in profile, or from the back, most of us are oblivious to our own bodies and what we are displaying.


I personally also looked down a lot because of my extreme myopia and with glasses, I had no field of vision directly in front of myself, so I had to watch my path in front of me.  Once I got contact lenses, that need evaporated.   And slowly, my head came up some.  I still have some of the “turtle neck” thing, and I am very conscious of it in others.

My own journey of liberating my body of all my “stuffed” emotions has given me a lot of insight into how others do the same thing.  In therapy sessions, I often invite clients to feel what they are doing with their bodies when they are expressing certain emotions.  A person will play with their eyes as their tear glands are swelling with tears, yet they deny they are about to cry, and then when they realize the emotion they are feeling but ignoring, let the tears gush.  

I have seen people turn beet red as an emotion wells up in them, and they are usually unaware, and then trying to suppress, because letting his/her self display the emotion is laden with shame.  Their head is screaming “NO” while their body is saying “yes.”  

So I encourage people to listen to their bodies more and their heads less.  This process is essential to any meaningful work in therapy, yet many therapists who have not worked on their own issues with their own emotions, flee from anything that is “hard.”  They want to reframe the emotion into something intellectual, sanitized and “safe.”   It is often why clients tell me their previous therapists were not very helpful.  They never let them, or in some cases “encouraged” them (a nice way of saying provoke) to push through their intellect and actually let the feeling out.  This is usually centered in fear of expression of anger.  

We often have enormous shame attached to any expression of anger unless we can completely justify our anger intellectually.  Then our anger gets processed in the “yes but” machine in our heads, we talk ourselves out of it, because we cannot validate why we are angry.  So our anger gets stuffed, and we get depressed.

This scene from “Six Feet Under” is a marvelous example of how David Fisher begins to learn to process his anger in an appropriate manner.  A large funeral home chain is trying to force the Fishers to sell out to the chain.  The chain has become very threatening and relentless in their pursuit.  David is visited by the spirit of a young “gang banger” he has just buried.  He asks him what would you do?  Not all of us have to do it the way Paco does, but David does find a way to use his anger to protect himself in a manner that works for himself.  

In my early 20s, I was so disconnected from my body, after numbing myself with food to not feel years of physical abuse, I drove a nail an inch into my thigh and didn’t feel it.  I was “starting” a nail into a piece of wood.  Not having a workbench handy, I used my leg as one.  The nail went through, came out the back side of the wood into my leg, and I felt no pain.  I pulled the wood up, saw the nail, looked at my leg and saw a hole oozing blood.

This is the power of our mind to ignore our body.  It is a basic survival skill, often helpful in emergency situations, but it goes to “auto pilot” when we are living in an ongoing state of trauma, misery. or other forms of emotional repression.

If we don’t acknowledge our full emotional “history” that is buried in our bodies, we will get sick because it is the body’s way of getting our attention and forcing us to deal with ourselves.  My aunt Louise told me this decades ago, how in the late 1940s she was so unhappy, filled with pain and resentments, she gave herself cancer.  She became a Christian Scientist, and used her new found spirituality to clean out the caverns of her pain and the ,deep shame and self judgement that accompanied it.

Louise Brackett Beasley’s, story, along with many others, including the healing practitioner Louise Hay, are why I also believe that unresolved emotions are a significant co-factor in disease.  If one spends any time in 12 Step meetings, one often hears stories of how people lost in addiction, also became very sick, often for no identifiable reason, just chronic misery.  Gert Behannah talks about this in her talk “The Late Liz.”  She had a plethora of psychosomatic illnesses.  She went to an expensive clinic and at the end of all the tests, the head doctor said, “Ms. Behannah, you’re a very sick woman and there’s nothing the matter with you.”

Within a year of developing a spiritual core in her life, all the symptoms were gone.

Ms. Behannah's experience was centered in the Christian Healing perspective, that healing and forgiveness are connected, and both occur best when we offer our pain and ourselves to God, and ask for his Grace in our lives.  This is usually manifested in the Sacrament of Unction or Healing in orthodox/sacramental Christian churches.  No matter what one's spiritual practice is, sharing our emotions with our understanding of God is essential to healing emotionally.

Shame is lethal.  Clearing out our dark and hidden recesses of emotion, is simply the act of bringing those hidden and shameful emotions into the light of God, which dis-empowers them, because they are no longer cloaked in shame.  

I want to be very clear that I am not suggesting that illness and disease are solely based in spiritual and mental issues.  All disease has a multitude of co-factors.  But I have observed over the years that people who are chronically unfulfilled, miserable, “long suffering” unable to forgive, hanging onto resentments, or otherwise unhappy, tend to get sick a lot more and a lot more severely than people who listen to their inner “spirit voice” and then act upon it’s guidance.


More will be revealed.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Fear, and other forms of self torment

If this is your first visit to my blog, you might also want to read the 
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Fear

Franklin Delano Roosevelt (FDR) often said in the depths of the Great Depression, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.”  Most of the time, that is incredibly true.  But he also could have said “We have nothing to fear but pain” and that would have also been very true.   

While situations that are actually life threatening are cause for genuine fear (like a gun aimed at you, or diagnosis with a “fatal” disease), even those situations only threaten our expectations.  We expected to live a long life, now we may die “before our time.”  

Most of us don’t have to deal with this sort of reality, at least in our younger years.  But we have other losses, heart breaks, disappointments, job losses, realizing that we’re not as wonderful or special (in the eyes of the rest of humanity) as we hoped, and other genuine traumas.   Episodic situations can leave a huge mark on a person.  Losing a child, or a partner, any loved one through sudden causes (accidents usually), all of these leave a huge mark on us.  This sort of sudden loss has it’s own life, and the process of dealing with it has it’s own markers.  

Elizabeth Kubler Ross identified the five stages of loss and grief:  Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.  Or “DABDA” if you need acronyms to help you remember.  

We don’t move through these with mechanical precision.  In fact, they sort of swirl around us, like a helix, gradually pulling away our layers of defenses, like peeling a piece of fruit in one long round cut.   Gradually our defenses wear away (if we are lucky) and we finally stare this new and unwelcome reality in the face.  

If we’re lucky, we realize that this unwanted reality is simply life, uninvited, intrusive and persistent, but also a part of us, a longtime companion or partner, that for better or worse, we must make peace with.  If we don’t, we leave ourselves to a life on ongoing torment, held prisoner by our own humanity, trying to flee, with nowhere to go.

In the movie “Out of Africa” the protagonist played by Meryl Streep has a coffee plantation that is mortgaged to the hilt.  She stakes it all on her coming coffee crop, which comes in abundantly.  Long hours are spent at the roaster, turning the green beans into marketable product that will pay off her debt.   The roaster is in the same area as the stored crop to be sold.  After hours of exhaustion, she goes to bed.  In the middle of the night, her chief servant, who is Muslim, comes to her exclaiming, “God has come!!”  The next scene we see the roaster, barn and all the beans engulfed in a huge fire.  Her crop is lost, followed by her estate, and all of her dreams of a life in Kenya that she had hoped and struggled for.  

While the event does shatter her dreams, and is life changing, it does not kill her.  

And that is why the FDR comment is so pertinent.  Generally speaking, we have nothing to fear but fear itself.  But we don’t deal with our fears very well in 21st Century America.

As Brene’ Brown (in her TED talk, "Power of Vulnerability") points out, most of us immediately look for someone or something to blame.  She goes on to describe blame as “a way to discharge pain and discomfort.”  

Few of us ever consider that at the core of this struggle with fear might be a spiritual element that we are ignoring.  Decades ago, I had a friend (long deceased) in Miami named Danny Torres.  One night we had dinner with his mother, Violet Torres, a widow who worked in a factory in Hialeah.  Violet was not a highly educated woman, but she had educated herself in the ways of the human heart, and how we humans function.  She was also a deeply spiritual woman, and kept God at the center of her universe.

The first thing she said was that fear is the most powerful emotion in the human experience.  “If a person surrenders to their fears, they will even destroy that person’s ability to love.”  This truth is echoed over and over again in psychological literature, most recently by Dr. Brene’ Brown, whose research had concluded that the inability to be vulnerable in life and relationships is the principle cause of our skyrocketing rates of indebtedness, addiction, obesity, and medication in our culture.  

We do this to numb vulnerability, because we live in a state of fear.

Violet went on to say one of the most important things I have ever heard, “Every choice a person makes in life always comes down to one thing, love or fear.  Most people choose fear because they think it’s easier.”

Being inclined to study and meditate on things, I spent time reflecting on her words.  I realized, “Of course, when I make the fear choice, I THINK I know what the outcome will be, and I’ll be safe.  When I make the love choice, I take God by the hand, we jump off the cliff together, and I can’t see the bottom.”

When I choose fear, I enshrine my safety above everything else.  And everything else suffers, including (eventually) my health and well being.

When I choose love, I partner with God, and my loved ones, and we figure it out together.  It is my willingness to embrace vulnerability, and the possibility that I might lose, that opens up all sorts of possibilities.

But when we are in the midst of these decisions, it is hard to follow our hearts when our heads are screaming things that sound “logical” and safe.  We seek “certainty” where there is none.  We “hedge our bets” and push back reality.  It is a mild form of gambling addiction, except I call it fear addiction.  

Fear is the most addictive situation in the human experience.  Not only does it cause actual addiction to a person, place or thing that will “save” us, but it assures the “It’s never enough” cycle because there is no amount of assurance that can counter the power of fear.

In other words, there is no “logical” way out of fear, because fear is not based in logic.  It is based in emotions, and usually triggered by unresolved past pain and traumas.  

Since long term childhood trauma almost always creates low self esteem (“I am not worthy or good enough”) the mix of pervasive unworthiness and fear of more torment or pain becomes the central reason for living.  The beast must be fed at all costs, and nothing can appease it.  And the beast is our overwhelming sense of emptiness that comes from not being “enough” no matter what we do.

So the child who grew up in a home, or any home that is not “child centered” (the home exists to meet the emotional needs of the children first) is forever vigilant for any signs of being hurt again.  And since both life and people are imperfect, the person WILL get hurt again.  But instead of accepting that hurt as a part of the imperfect nature of life, the person blames his/her self, the “see, this proves that I’m not good enough” mantra continues into infinity.

A classic example of how childhood trauma and loss can affect adult life is found in the movie “Saving Mr. Banks” which is about the transformation of the book “Mary Poppins” into the movie.  The author is quite “high maintenance” insisting on complete control of all aspects of the development of the film, even though she knows little of film making.  We eventually discover that all of this relates to the loss of her father to alcoholism when she was a child, and her never having grieved that loss, blaming herself for not being able to save her father from himself, and therefore carrying the pain and guilt into her adult life.  The pain of it creates a highly opinionated, angry woman, displaying neither vulnerability or tenderness.  She has been consumed by her fear of not being able to be in complete control.  

It is Walt Disney who realizes that Mary Poppins did not come to save the children, she comes to save Mr. Banks, their father.

I could go on about this for a LONG time, but I will close for now with this thought.  Our fears reside in our heads, where we tumble them around like clothes in a washing machine.  Even if we make sense of them, they still scare us, and we never really find any peace in our thoughts because we are constantly doing the “Yes But” dance in our heads.

Love resides in our hearts, in our best emotions, in our generosity, our ability to forgive, first ourselves and then others who have hurt us.  

It takes a conscious decision to decide and commit to listening to our hearts first, to feel our intuitions, and trust our feelings.  Much of life in this culture has conspired to tell us we are wrong to do this, that our hearts cannot be trusted, etc.  Yet consistently, the most successful people are the ones who listen to and honor their hearts first.  Oprah Winfrey is a shining example of this.  She shares this in an interview at Sanford University, here on YouTube.

A lot of my work with clients, particularly ones who have anxiety issues, is spent just working with this simple understanding of the importance of honoring our emotions and listening to the still, small, certain voice of our spirit, not the cacophony of chatter that harasses us in our heads.  


It is challenging, but the rewards are great.  To pose Violet’s question, are you choosing fear, or love?

Monday, February 2, 2015

Emotions and Intellect

If this is your first visit to my blog, you might also want to also read the 


Emotions and Intellect

As I mentioned in my introduction, humans utilize emotion and intellect to process our experiences in life.  

I want to try to explain the differences between the two.  This is important because our culture encourages us to focus on intellectual functioning.  Our entire academic process from Kindergarten through a Ph. D. is about ignoring or denying our emotions, and uplifting thought and beliefs.  We are even taught that our emotions are detrimental, that they get in the way of “logical thinking.”   There are no courses in school about our emotions, how to process them and respond to them.  The only model we have is what we see at home.  If we have a functioning family, we learn to process our emotions from our family.  

But the defining rule in a dysfunctional family is “Don’t feel, don’t talk about feelings, no matter what.”  It doesn’t even have to be spoken, it is so powerful, everyone just knows.  So in a dysfunctional family we learn that our emotions are our enemy, we learn to suppress them, not talk about them, dismiss them as “childish” or “immature.”

Our current use of language does not help.  For a long time, English speakers were very clear about “I feel” and “I believe.”  Declaring each process, before stating the rest of the sentence.  

In the 1970s in the United States, we all became more “politically” correct and conscious of not wanting to offend anyone.  We were exploring the tricky landscape of diversity.  So we all started saying “I feel” when we were actually stating an opinion, which is a belief.  This practice has permeated our language, and as innocent as it may seem, it is very confusing in terms of identifying difficult emotions and articulating them.

This is one of those subtle but significant uses of language that is very important to a person in life, who is dealing with difficult emotions.  

So instead of saying “I believe that I should not do this thing because it is risky and I am uncomfortable with that risk” we say “I feel that it is risky.”  Notice how the second statement denies our emotional process.  This is one very simple example of what I am talking about.  The emotionally functioning person declares their emotions with relative comfort (“I am uncomfortable with that risk”). 

Try this exercise, notice how many times you open a sentence with “I feel” and then go on to EXPLAIN something.  It’s pervasive.  We say things like “I feel that the Droid phone is better than an iPhone.”   What we really mean is “I BELIEVE that the Droid phone is better than an iPhone.”

Basic sixth grade English, “A sentence is a complete thought.”  Emphasis here in THOUGHT, which is a part of intellectual functioning, not emotions.

So a lot of us in this culture are either unaware of our emotions, and often consider our hard emotions to be unwanted intruders into our daily life.  A “hard” emotion is one that is not received easily by others, risks us being ostracized from our family and friends, and even potentially cast out of society.    Many of our fears are dealt with by ignoring them until they ambush us.  We just don’t talk about these feelings.  Admitting to them is too frightening.  

A good example of this was a moment I had over the phone with my father years ago.  It was in the last months of his life, with advanced congestive heart failure, he often spent nights unable to sleep, fighting for breath.  He told me that he had been up most of the night, forcing breathing because of the fluid accumulation in his lung cavity.  I said to him, “That must be very frightening” to which he shot back, “I’ve never been afraid of anything in my life !!”  

For his generation in particular, part of what Tom Brokaw calls “The Greatest Generation” having survived the Great Depression and World War II, fear was not an option, so admitting it was out of the question.

Unlike Mr. Brokaw, I cannot enshrine these folks as somehow being better than the rest of us.  I just know that being afraid and remaining paralyzed in that fear was not an option for them.  And what Mr. Brokaw perhaps has not considered was the elevated suicide levels and extreme alcohol consumption that accompanied our parents suppressing those fears, not to mention family violence and a host of other maladies that their children had to deal with.  The youth rebellions of the 50s and 60s was a direct outcome of the “hard times” that our parents survived.  

So I just think of them as a most emotionally repressed generation, and it is why many of them became such mean and difficult people in their old age.  

My aunt Louise (her story is here) once told me that in the late 1940s or early 1950s she was so unhappy, angry and filled with resentments that she gave herself cancer.  There were few treatments in those days, so part of her healing was becoming a Christian Scientist, where she learned that forgiveness was essential to healing.

Repression of emotions is lethal.  It is the root cause of many physical illnesses and a lot of family discord and violence.  In this culture, we often express difficult emotions with silence.  We just don’t know what to say, so we say nothing.  

One of the first tools to identifying our emotions is to utilize this simple tool of stating our feelings with one word, without explanation, in a way that remains in the present tense.   Feelings are always in the “here and now.”   They don’t require explanation or embellishment, at least initially.  

Try this simple exercise.  Sit quietly and consider your body, then starting at your feet, slowly describe the experience of sitting and what it feels like.  It might go something like this, “I feel my feet in my socks, the shoes around them are (loose, tight, comfortable), my legs are held up by the floor (or dangling), my thighs are pressed against the chair, my back is slouched against the wood of the back,” etc.  

Once you identify that, use the same process to describe your feelings.  As I sit in my desk chair, typing this, I can say, “I feel content” (that I am finally putting this down in writing)  “I feel pain” (in my hands, arthritis).  “I feel excited” (about writing and sharing this).  “I feel anxious” (about possible criticism from others about this).  

Emotions ONLY exist in the present.  They are the essential “I AM” that God used to describe himself to Moses from the burning bush.  This why people often will share about a moment, in an idyllic setting, or in religious worship or meditation, in which they felt close to God.  It is my belief that being in the present, the “here and now” is living in the “I AM” state that God is always living in.  It is being close to, and in communion with God.

The moment we use a sentence to explain ourselves, we are no longer acknowledging our present emotions, but rather sharing thoughts about past emotions, or speculation about future experiences.  

We are talking ABOUT our emotions, but not actually feeling them.

Emotions are an incongruent and often illogical set of experiences that co-exist within all of us.  We don’t need to “fix” them, and we can’t really change them very much, but if we honestly acknowledge them, we have a better chance of using them to process our lives in a healthy way that enhances our satisfaction in life.  

The most important thing is to stop trying to control or predict your emotions.  You can always control your behavior, your response to your emotions. 

The best you can do is acknowledge how you feel, honestly, and use your feelings as a partner in your journey through life.


More will be revealed.

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Introduction to Family Therapy in South Los Angeles


Edward Garren, M.A., L.M.F.T.  CA License.#MFC27181

I have spent most of my life helping other people.  Decades ago, I was an appliance repairman for the gas company in Tampa Florida.  Over and over again, I would encounter customers who would tell me their stories, deep personal secrets, often commenting on how comfortable they were telling me things.  After a while, I accepted the pattern and realized that I was called to do more than fix appliances.

But that skill, as well as a hands on understanding of how mechanical things work (cars, appliances, heating and air-conditioning, etc.) has given me an interesting perspective on human growth, recovery from trauma, and other aspects of the multi-faceted art that we call Psychotherapy.

Our craft and profession has evolved significantly during my lifetime.  With the advent of Magnetic Resonance Imaging, and other neuro-science, we can now actually look at brain activity, and most of the time science confirms that living with functioning integration of one’s emotions and intellect is essential to an enjoyable and fulfilling life.  It confirms many other things as well, that joy is essential to life, and resentments poison us from the inside.

What I write in this blog is generally very subjective.  I do not claim to speak for all therapists, even those who share my licensure.  My professional path has been somewhat un-orthodox, starting with my career at the gas company.  My Master’s degree is in Rehabilitation Counseling, not the usual Psychology or Social Work disciplines.  Our program (at the time I was in it) was led by a core group of Psychologists who were steeped in what was then known as the “Humanistic Psychology” movement.  They all made pilgrimages to Esalen Institute in Big Sur California , survived mid-life crises, and came to realize that much of their professional training was not very effective for actually helping people work through stored (“stuffed”) trauma and loss..  

The core of Rehabilitation is that for adults, being dependent is the most humiliating and debilitating experience in the human condition.  The goal of Rehabilitation is to facilitate the clients becoming as independent as possible.  

Rehabilitation also believes that the goal of therapy is to work WITH the client on their path to self discovery and self actualization.  That cannot happen in relationships based in an imbalance of power.  The goal of the therapist is to become obsolete in the client’s life.  We had a lot of hands on Gestalt therapy training.  Gestalt is probably the most direct form of therapeutic intervention.  It is very honest, and holds that many of the social conventions are basically dishonest.  Gestalt therapy tries to offer honesty in as non-judgemental of a way as possible.  So the most effective therapy occurs when a client has committed to a life of personal growth, rather than comfort or ease.  

I also have additional course work in Family Systems, with amazing professors at California State University Northridge, Human Development and Abnormal Psychology from Cal State Los Angeles.  

From this training, I particularly came to understand that the dynamics of a “Family System” are incredibly predictable.  Gradually an understanding of how families ideally operate, and how they can become malfunctional, began to emerge from my schooling and work.  

The purpose of this blog is to share some of that predictability and understanding of how our families form us in unconscious ways that most of us are unaware of.  It is my hope that these insights might resonate with your own life in a way that facilitates your own growth, your own journey in this life.

The first significant contribution that Family Systems Theory and practice offers to a client’s growth is the release from the often pervasive shame that people come into treatment with.  The belief that they are somehow flawed inherently and cannot change. 

I offer that their maladies are not personal to them individually, but rather a “role” that their family, and themselves, cast themselves into at a very early age.  In the process of adapting to those family roles, often they shut down emotionally in order to survive.  So we “form” in a particular emotional “set” or “frame”  

I also consider the Gestalt of their life.  “Gestalt” means “Shape.”  So the shape of one’s  response to daily life and relationships gets “set,” often in a very dysfunctional way.

Basically, human beings utilize emotions and intellect to function in life.  Our emotions come first, and are very predictable.  While some babies are calmer than others, they all respond the same way with regard to getting their needs met.  

Once intellect kicks in, around age 4>5, we start forming belief systems, initially from our parents or caregivers, and later, we grow our own.  But our core beliefs about how to process our emotions, to display or not display, which emotions are acceptable and which are not, those come from our culture, religion and family.

Also, trauma and other significant emotional events, can remain in a family or national culture for three generations.  The unspoken rules about what is safe to talk about, what is not, attitudes and opinions are all formed from our grandparents and parents lives, including whatever trauma they survived.

So a person isn’t just doing “therapy” on their own life, but also doing therapy on their parents and grandparents unresolved issues.   Coming to know one’s parents lives, and grandparents lives is very helpful in finding peace in the midst of our own daily life.

The bottom line, and overarching truth about healing is that it involves other people, forming trusting and respectful relationships, setting reasonable boundaries, being courageous and honest with one’s self and others, even when it is not comfortable.  

To echo Dr. Brene’ Brown, healing is found in The Power of Vulnerability.